Ask a lawyer at divorce time if s/he’s really got your interests at heart, and you’re dead. It’s too late. All over red rover. The time for getting in synch with your divorce lawyer was long long ago.
And yet an amazing number of people hiring divorce attorneys find themselves strung out on a divorce court washing line flapping in the breeze while their life is redesigned by someone who has no clue what they want.
If that sounds harsh, it is. Divorce is stressful any which way. And talking to lawyers is stressful, too. Add them together, and far too many people find themselves dangling on the end of puppet strings they know should not be there.
Ladies: If you are terrified by what can happen to you before, during and after a divorce…
The fact is, you’re paying the lawyer. S/he works for you. That means, you should be calling the shots. You should be getting the deal you want, negotiated by someone you trust.
The key to that is finding the top divorce lawyer for you – long before negotiations start. Some divorce lawyers are obviously more talented, more expensive, more appealing, more available than others. You need one you feel has the right combination of assets that will best resonate with your desires.
Meeting a divorce lawyer will make your divorce a stark reality, something you may not have fully accepted yet. Be prepared to be surprised by your emotions. If you thought a meeting with a lawyer was traumatic, wait until your own feelings come rolling in.
In such an emotional snowstorm, it’s easy to lose sight of the bigger picture, and blurt out all that comes to mind just so you can get the interview over with as quickly as possible.
Don’t do it. Sit down in a quiet place where you can relax, preferably by yourself and well before you even think about which divorce lawyers you might talk to, and rationally go through your situation.
Decide whether you really do want a divorce. What other options are left? Once you’ve exhausted them, you can more comfortably consider approaching an attorney.
With the emotion drained, realise that you need a divorce lawyer who will work for you, in a manner you are comfortable with. That means interviewing a shortlist of divorce lawyers.
Interview? Yes. As in, going for a job – except that this time you’re the employer. If you’re freaked out about what to ask, here’s a list of 41 questions to ask a divorce lawyer. They might seem daunting. They are. But so are the prospects of hiring an unsuitable lawyer.
And where do you get the shortlist? Ask people you know for recommendations, consider divorce lawyers with military background or other relevant specialties that might apply in your case, such as divorce lawyer source attorneys for family law alimony and child custody.
It’s the old ‘three quotes’ advice when you’re buying anything. And if it seems too much, remember that there is a lot more at stake in divorce than there is in a few dollars off a new TV.
Things to ask a lawyer about your divorce are well covered by Caroline Mackenzie’s list, but you need to be comfortable asking them… or you won’t! Practice your questions with a friend. Don’t worry about whether or not you are using the correct legal terms. The main thing is that the meaning of your questions is clear… both in your head, and in your words.
And one way of doing that is preparing a brief summary of your marriage. For instance, how long you have been married, problems leading to your decision to divorce, action taken so far, and complicating issues such as children, abuse, or substantial private or business assets.
That helps you clarify matters in your own mind and helps you remember important points likely to affect the nature and cost of your divorce. And if it does all fall apart in the lawyer’s office, you can simply give it to the divorce lawyer to read.
The important thing is that you realize how much is at stake in choosing a divorce lawyer. Be prepared to overcome the emotion for as long as it takes, do your homework, interview several divorce lawyers, and don’t leave till too late the thinking about what to ask a lawyer at divorce time.
